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Orientation 5: Honesty

Author: Norische

Filed in: training

Honesty is something that starts long before the slave meets the owner. It begins within the individual. The slave must be able to be honest with him or herself, to know his or her own imperfections, flaws and limitations, to understand them and to embrace them. A slave must be able to be him or herself and feel comfortable with the understanding that while no one is perfect, at least he or she is exactly who they appear to be.

The facades of perfection and superiority that some individuals put forth are exactly that, a fa�ade�they are no more real than the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause (forgive me Santa). When I meet such individuals there are several things that I am acutely aware of.

First, they are not comfortable with who they are, why else would they feel the need to pretend to be someone or something that they are not.

Second, they do not understand the need for honesty within a BDSM relationship, for if they did they would not put on a facade.

Third, they have a low self esteem�perhaps they fear that you will not like or approve of who they really are and therefore they feel a need to recreate themselves to be more or better than what they truly are.

Fourth, they do not respect others for if they respected others they would not believe them to be so shallow as to not see through the facade and make an educated decision for themselves as to like or dislike an individual based on the truth and not on the illusion put forth.

Fifth, they do not understand human psychology�for it is the very nature of a submissive or slave to place an owner on a pedestal to begin with, and to see them for more than they truly are. It is also the nature of an owner to believe that his or her slave can do anything; "My slave can make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum the house, wash the dishes, fix dinner, walk the dog, take my jacket to the dry cleaners, pick up the theater tickets, do the grocery shopping, scrub the kitchen floor, mow the yard, and still be waiting for me kneeling nude with hot coffee in hand when I walk in the door after work." We do not need fa�ades of grandeur or false images of each other to be presented to us; we do it on our own.

So as you can see honesty is something that must begin with self, but it cannot stop there.

When going for an interview with a perspective owner the slave must be honest about his or her abilities and experience as well as limitations and expectations. To do otherwise is to set oneself up for failure. Do not embellish or exaggerate, and by all means do not assume anything.

If a slave informs me that he has 30 yrs experience, my understanding of this individual is that they have a deep and vast knowledge of basic and more than likely advance forms of service, that there will be limited training necessary and that they will know what is expected from them long before I have to tell him or her. It is not my understanding that the individual has less than one year of actual service, with about four years of weekend scening and kink play, and the rest is what he or she has read in a book or read on line. While the truth may be less impressive than a lie, the truth is always the wiser choice.

A slave is always expected to be completely honest with his or her owner, even if it may be detrimental to the slave or the owner for that matter. To lie to someone is to say, "I do not respect you enough to tell you the truth."

A slave's word is his or her bond, and to be known as a slave whose word is useless is to have no honor, no pride, no dignity, and a slave that is completely unworthy of being owned.

An owner whose word is questionable has no understanding of what it means to be an owner. Trust can never be formed on a foundation of lies, half-truths, exaggerations, or omissions. Honesty is one of the fundamental forces within this Universe; it is so easy to build trust when it is based on honesty. However, it is very difficult to rebuild the trust once lies have interwoven themselves into the intricate fabric of the relationship.

Strive for honesty, and understanding. Know yourself, be honest with yourself and then you may find the honesty within others.

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