Site Network: Submissive Guide | Submissive Journal Prompts | Dominant Guide | Kinky Blogging | My Blog |

Essay Collection

Hundreds of the most informative essays have been hand-picked for depth of knowledge and varied opinions with new and seasoned practitioners in mind. A wide range of topics are available for you to explore. Donations are always open so submit your essay to The Iron Gate for consideration!

Email to a Friend    Print Essay    Save to Computer

On becoming 'Real'

Author: Bluedeacon

Filed in: inspirational, general knowledge, d/s

Morning, all!

I wanted to share something different with the group this morning. From time to time I've seen posts on and offlist about how a person doesn't yet feel like a sub/slave, or a dom/master, and at the party I was noticing the differing things that people did to express this, or to make it 'real' - and by the way, we both noticed how many heads were getting petted, something she's enjoyed for years.

Back when we were first going together and she was submitting to me (before I'd pushed her too far) she got me a card that said 'Love makes you real' - which sort of fit our situation back then. A couple of months ago, I was reading the Velveteen Rabbit and this time I happened to be in a D/s state of mind - and saw the words completely differently, as an analogy of wiitwd, so today I'd like to share an edited version, see if anyone else sees it my way =).

On becoming 'Real':

...Between them all, the little Rabbit was made to feel very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him was the Skin Horse. The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by the by break their mainspring and pass away, and he knew they were just toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic was very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced understand it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, as he sat next to the Skin Horse. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you, and a handle sticking out?"

"Real isn't how you're made", said the Skin Horse, "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes", said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, " or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose *you* are Real?" said the Rabbit, and then wished he hadn't, for he thought the Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The boy's uncle made me Real" he said, "That was a great many years ago, but once you become Real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real and to know what it felt like; yet the idea of becoming shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers made him sad. He wished he could become it, without all these uncomfortable things happening to him.


..."You must have your old bunny" said Nana, "Fancy all that fuss for a toy"

"Give me my bunny!" he said." You mustn't say that. He isn't a toy. He's REAL!"

When the Rabbit heard that he was happy, for what the Skin Horse had said had come true at last. The magic had happened and he was a toy no longer. He was Real. The Boy had said so. That night he was too happy to sleep, and so much love stirred in his little sawdust heart it almost burst. And into his bootbutton eyes, that had lost their shine long ago, there came a look of wisdom and beauty...

{fast forward: the Boy gets sick, and the bunny has to be thrown away, to be burned, and is thinking of all the wonderful times with his Boy}...Of what use was it to be loved and lose one's beauty and become Real if it all ended like this? And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his face...{the nursery fairy comes, to make him real}

"Wasn't I Real?" asked the Rabbit.

"You were Real to the Boy," the Fairy said, "Now you shall be Real to everyone."


For me, this has meaning. Yes, you must believe that you are a dom, a sub, a person, loved. But often what makes it truly Real is when another believes you to be so as well.

Related Essays

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Iron Gate Banner Exchange