Yahoo and waiting

Yahoo still having problems. Have been waiting in MSN but not getting any responses.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

So I started some of the catching up on March 16, and only just finished it up. We've taken a bit of a break for a while now as I've been having an extremely busy time outside of the sessions. Maybe we could begin again over the weekend if Master Joe wants. My yahoo has also been acting up since last evening. Apparently still not working this morning and don’t know when it’ll start again.

The argument about aftercare was admittedly also my fault this time round. Before leaving, Master Joe asked me if I was disappointed and I was – because I felt I needed more discussion about the session and I wasn’t ready to just wrap up yet – but I told him I was fine. 

Catch up post - March 6, 8 and 11

Now it’s March 16, 2011 and I’m writing up a journal for a session ten days ago. Some things have changed since then. We’ve had yet another argument about the same thing (aftercare). Still wondering why it’s not offered more after sessions.

Session on March 06, 2011

This session, Master Joe informed me that the journal entry last time was too short. I had figured they were getting long and boring so had summarized them.

I started the session having earned -9 for lateness, both at first and when getting ready. He also said he’d think about the punishment for cumming when specifically told not to. I was instructed to get rope, towel, and again bottles of water, along with duct tape and the broom stick.

We did more bondage – I learnt how to make a hangman’s noose. I ended up hands tied to the bed, legs spread with the broomstick rather interestingly tied to my hands. It was intensely humiliating to be exposing myself like that since it left me with my ass pointed towards the cam and spread wide.

One thing that really worked was the mind game Master Joe played with getting me to drink water again. I was a bit scared of how far it would go and ended up using my safeword. I’d been told to drink over a liter of water again, and there was a towel laid on the bed…and I was bursting to pee. I asked several times to be let go and Master Joe refused. Finally, I couldn’t hold it any longer and had absolutely no wish to wet my bed, so had to use the safeword. It was a little disappointing since I try not to use it when I can.

Overall the session was very good. I enjoyed being tied up and the uncertainty of when I’d be released to pee. Being tied up was strange at the time – I usually don’t have much patience and at one time when I was talking to Master Joe, he didn’t have his earphones on so couldn’t hear me. Without the need to pee, I might have waited longer in that uncomfortably exposed position, but at that point I absolutely had to communicate (to beg to pee) and ended up twisting out of the bonds in order to type. I wonder how it would be to be tied up like that and not allowed to speak apart from the safeword…that would be interesting I think. Maybe we could try it sometime without the drinking water bit…might last longer.

Anyway, once I used the safeword to pee, the session was over and we had a talk afterwards that was much appreciated.

Session of March 08, 2011

The next session was similar in that it was also all about exposing myself and humiliation. But worse humiliation than before. This time I was on the floor, ass up towards the cam.

Anyway, so the session was mostly just me on the floor showing him my ass. I hate hate hate doing that. Absolutely hate it. But it also makes me wet…the humiliation and scrutiny. Go figure.

We started off with checking the bruises, sign, shaving, etc. It went fine.

He made me put on my corset, which I like to do sometimes. Waiting to hear what we’d be doing. We’d planned earlier to do the 2-3 hour bondage with the time-lock key but it was too late for that.

I would take this session as a sort of punishment. For while it got me wet – at one point I was dripping and because I had my head on the ground and ass up, the slow slow slooooow dropping of my juice from my cunt to the ground was VERY obvious – it was EXTREMELY embarrassing. The worst part was I could see it from my position on the ground…*cringes* I can still see it now. I think the most memorable part of the session for me was the embarrassment of watching my own juice slowly drip to the ground, and knowing Master Joe was watching. Normally when I find myself getting wet, I discretely wipe it off before Master Joe notices. This time I got no chance to do that but I’m still (naively) hoping he didn’t see it.

Anyway, not content with having me expose myself, Master Joe got the idea of having me spank myself with the wooden spoon. And told me that each stroke was to be hard or else start from the beginning. In a deliciously sadistic twist, he also added that I was to count aloud, and if I counted a soft whack as a hard one, I’d start all over again. Needless to say I was well over the original number of strokes by the time we were done. Several times, what I thought were hard strokes, he thought were mild so made me restart. After a while I actually liked this little game so intentionally miscounted a couple of times. I know it wasn’t a good submissive thing to do but the masochist took over somewhere in the middle J

Once the session was over, we had a long talk about various things. I enjoyed the chat this time round. Learning languages, thoughts on the future, that sort of thing. Master Joe wanted me to try learning German, but that’s impossible. I was literally dragged kicking and screaming through high school French (of which I remember nothing), and managed to claim it for college second language credit. So the last time I even attempted to learn a foreign language was about ten years ago. And it was a pretty unsuccessful attempt!

We also talked of taking risks. And how I’m happy enough taking risks (prancing about naked on a yahoo webcam for example is a risk) as long as they aren’t too big a risk. Small risks usually fulfill my occasional need for adrenaline – skydiving for instance, or any extreme sport, is excellent. Jumping off the fourth storey of a building to see if I break a leg would not be so excellent.

Oh and Master Joe also mentioned wanting gladiator style shows back lol! I’m glad he doesn’t get to make those decisions as I don’t think I would enjoy watching people trying to kill each other. Now if it was gladiatorial style consensual public BDSM sessions…hmm well J

Session of March 11, 2011

This session started off very well. We discussed possibility of inviting a viewer to watch one of the sessions. He’d mentioned it briefly before and though it’s exciting I also want a bunch of extra boundaries during that session. I asked for no penetration, less humiliation than pain, being able to see the guy before he sees me on cam. Master Joe agreed to these requests. Once I see the guy, I’d like to refuse if I see something odd about him. Finally, I’d also like to ask for a warning beforehand saying that in the next session we’d be having a visitor.

This time I’d got the needles and the stapler ready. I knew what the needles were for, but wasn’t so sure about the stapler. Master Joe asked me what I thought it was for – and I said I had no clue. He then suggested stapling my cunt lips together L I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him. I’m still not sure I do yet…that seems a bit extreme for me. I can’t even pin them with the clothes pins yet so I doubt I’ll EVER be able to staple them. But then again I’d said that about needles before and guess what happened next…

Anyway, we tried the needles. This time it was far less scary than the last but still quite scary. Just the letting go part is very difficult. And watching it sticking in me afterwards. But once it’s done and I’ve removed them from my body, it feels good to have done them. Also knowing it’s being enjoyed helps. There was a little blood and I cleaned off afterwards. I was fussing over the smallest drop of blood… Anyway, it’s still much less scary now than before. Who’d have thought?

As for the stapler, we tried the tits and the navel. Before we fully started, yahoo acted up and I tried briefly by myself to see how it felt while we were setting up the connection again. When we reconnected, Master Joe asked me if I thought I could handle it and I told him I’d just tried already and I could. It seemed to piss him off a little. Told me that I was to follow what he said and nothing else.

By then I’m sure Master Joe knew that after that threat of the pussy, breasts and navel would seem easy as pie. And it wasn’t so bad. Not like the needles. It was hard to do the navel. Not mentally, just physically it was hard to grasp the skin and it only half worked there. We also tried the cunt…or rather the mound, not the pussy itself. That was more painful than the breasts. The breasts were hardly noticeable. They worked the best and it was easy to get the staple all the way in. I can just see this building up to a line of little staples somewhere. Hmm…but maybe I shouldn’t be giving anyone any ideas.

Towards the end, he offered to reduce 100 minus points if I stapled my cunt lips. And I refused. As it is, I’m not sure I like bargaining for points…and besides not even reducing ALL the minus points to 0, then giving me a 100 plus points would have made me staple my cunt lips. They’re sure to bleed and hurt like a bitch. I’m surprised Master Joe even asked me to do it so soon but I can say right now that it’s not happening. Not at all. At least not in the near future J

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Tuesday’s session was brilliant. Even though we did candles again, we tried a different thing – closed eyes. This gave the wax a whole different feel…just not knowing when it was going to fall made a big difference and in a very good way.

One thing I didn’t really like was the broomstick. Apart from it being humiliating to have a broomstick stuck up my cunt, it was also uncomfortable after a while – mostly because of the way it was tied to my legs. I was glad to at least have the condom on so it wasn’t unhygienic.

I’ve said more than enough about the wonders of wax before. This time the most painful bits were the spaces in my inner thigh, right next to my mound. That crease was worse than the clit. But it was still excellent pain.

One of the best things about the whole session was when I was told to keep dripping wax…not just pour and stop but to keep dripping, even if little drops on my stomach. I wanted to do that all over again when it was over…the slow and unpredictable buildup of pain was great.

The toothpicks were also a good addition. They felt a bit painful at the start of the session but when the wax was going full flow, they pierced my skin without me even noticing.

Oh I was also told that from now on each time I cum is -5. Which sucks.

Yesterday’s session had a different vibe. For some reason Master Joe was in a rather odd mood. I was given a lot of freedom to do what I wished, and it didn’t really feel like I was following orders. But I later realized that I ended up with a lot of minuses because apparently I was getting complacent. It only felt like the session was unstructured when maybe it wasn’t. Anyway, this time I was pushing quite often – waiting until Master Joe repeated himself before doing what I was told, etc. Still, I guess I’ll pay for that little game when we count up the minuses.

Oh one of the good bits was watching Master Joe mentally debate with himself about whether or not to make me crawl when I asked him how I was going to walk with my legs tied. As predicted, after thinking for a minute, he told me to crawl J

Also, later on when I said that I prefer not to be called names, but it was up to him… ‘I know, slut,’ was a hilarious response. I didn’t think Master Joe could be mean and funny at the same time!

I was also told not to cum after the session – this time because I’d been allowed to cum during the session but I didn’t want to…or rather couldn’t. But obviously I was so hot that I came right after. I hope the consequence for that isn't too bad. 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I started off with some reservations but they were gone by the end and I was so turned on that I came right afterwards.

I asked Master Joe to help get me in a submissive mood, and he did an excellent job so I thank him for that. The breath control was interesting. We later talked about going a bit further. The whole unconsciousness idea is intriguing. I’d be ready to try this on the bed… maybe next time we could see what happens.

The talk was also what I was looking for and is much appreciated. Master Joe brought up something I’d been wanting to ask. He’s said he’ll try to see if there’s some way we can work Pete into the schedule, which is great. I’ve not seen him for a while and the last time I was supposed to, I was having my periods so didn’t. If not this week, sometime next week would also be good.

I’m glad this session was mild because I really needed one at the time. I have only good things to say about it.

Piss Session

I spent some time at night working late and ran into Master Joe online. We had a short talk about where things would be a year from now which I’ve not thought about, increasing levels of intensity, how getting addicted to the sessions could be a good thing…

I have noticed that I’ve been more receptive to orders. That was after that one punishment session when I asked for time to think. I said then that I’d be more compliant and see how that would be and I’m glad that Master Joe has noticed my efforts, which makes me want to try even harder. Also, the training must be working and as of now, I am happy enough to just take it one session at a time and see where it goes.

Finally, with regards to healing, I would like to try meeting every alternate week, perhaps? That would be a week of sessions and a week of healing in between. Maybe we could try this for a while and see how it works. I already have a feeling I’ll soon be asking for more sessions again, but I’d like to try if Master Joe thinks it’s a good idea.

The session:

I did appreciate the fact that Master Joe let me take off the rope from my neck without me asking when he noticed it got too tight. I also liked how the rope looked but am afraid of rope burns on the neck, so asked not to do it again until we have a better one.

I wasn’t sure if I could piss but I wanted to, so when offered the choice between bed and kneeling, I intentionally chose kneeling to get in a proper headspace and be able to do it. Would not have worked on the bed.

The process of building up the piss worked well. Master Joe was good at not spooking me, and there were many things that worked well. Letting me sit on the bed…getting me to drink on my own instead of really forcing me to drink…all that was very well done. I wasn’t tempted to use my safeword throughout, or even to ask to slow down.

The response after pissing wasn’t what I was expecting at all and we’ve talked about this already. Normally I’d be looking forward to next session but after this time I didn’t even want to think about the next one.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The last session was all about the bamboo. It took a while to get the technique correct…but we did enough that session that by the end, I was getting better at it. It’s still difficult to aim right though…especially on the ass and tits.

I enjoyed the session. I was very wet at times…at one point I was close to cumming – which has only happened before during our teasing session. At other times I was turned on but not too wet. Several times earlier in the session, I tried to wipe myself off so Master Joe wouldn’t notice…but he did anyway later on. That was a bit embarrassing…

The session itself was good though I was over the time given for getting ready and started off with a -2. I don’t understand why it went from -1 to -2 though. Not complaining, just want to know why so I can maybe avoid it next time.

I was kind of in nadu position when greeting Master Joe, since I thought he wouldn’t really mind – that was still kneeling, after all. But I guess he did, cause he made me get in the tower position as soon as he saw me. I’ll try to remember that next time.

Master Joe didn’t have much time so he said we’d be giving the canes a short test. Lol…if that was a short test, I don’t think I want to know what a harsh session with the cane will be like! Afterwards, my thighs were hot, welted and swollen. The right one was bruised. My ass was also in pain but not so much. Even walking was painful on the thighs…or movement of any kind. I put on really light cotton pajama bottoms afterwards and it was painful even when they touched the welts. But that was only right after the session…it got much better later but the pain never completely went away. This is a different kind of pain to the ones I’ve had so far. I’m still sore this morning. I never thought such a thin cane could be so interesting.

While beating the thighs, the pain was more of a stinging sudden pain. But the marks afterwards were different kind of pain…like very very sore and tender skin that doesn’t even like being touched. I liked the heat that came off the beaten spots…

We also went through a series of teasing combined with beating…with the beating, it was mostly just trying out several different spots this session. One of the best parts of the session for me was kneeling with the stick in my mouth and playing with my clit. That got me extremely turned on. I have no idea how many beats we did in total but by the end it felt like quite a lot. Though I enjoyed the cane, I think depending on the number of strokes, it can easily become an instrument of punishment. This time we stayed within an enjoyable pain level so it was good.

The session was also good for my knees since I was required to get up for part of it. Getting the ass right needed a standing position and a shorter stick next time, I think. Even if I held it short, the extra portion of the stick got in the way.

Towards the end, Master Joe again wanted to see my face. Lately, he’s been demanding that more for some reason. I really don’t like showing my face…and this time got into trouble for it. I got a -10 for not showing my eyes. I deserved that since I had been warned already. But I was just hoping he’d let me get away with just the lower face again like he has before. Now I know better.

Then I got another -10. I had got in position – I should really give it a name: facing my ass to him and with my head on the ground exposing myself – as asked but not long enough I suppose. I ended up with a -22 this session. Is the face really such a big deal that I deserve -20 for it? I didn’t think I was that bad overall this session…

I think the spoon bruise on ass, tacks, tits, rubber band on inner thighs and cane marks are close to my limit for marks. I know I said my body looking used was fine but that was before I saw the cane marks properly – they are rather large and obvious. And though the welts disappeared rather fast as well, I hope we can let some bruises heal before making too many new ones. Some marks are very much appreciated but too many would not be very nice.