What is the biggest misconception you feel that people have about those who engage in BDSM?

I feel that the biggest misconception is that you have to like pain. If it’s either flogging, spanking, pinching or many other pain activities; many people think that is all there is to BDSM. I’m into pain/pleasure mix. But I’m also in the community pretty actively and know many that are just into bondage, or just the roles of Dominant and submissive. I know others that are swingers or have a penchant for exhibitionism. It’s all about being kinky. We are a huge group of people!

Here’s what I said in Blogathon 2005 about this very misconception:

Pain isn’t enjoyable to all people, and you don’t have to enjoy pain to be into BDSM. If you remember from my definition of BDSM, there are many facets and you can pick an choose. Maybe you only like bondage, or maybe it’s the power exchange that you really draw to. Either way it doesn’t have to involve pain at all. For those that it does involve pain, like me, also enjoy other aspects of BDSM.

The assumption that it is all about pain is because that is the most prominent and the most conflicted with mainstream thought. When BDSM is mentioned in social circles it is the sensation play that is brought out first when other things are just a backdrop. In truth the power exchange is what is the forefront of BDSM. Without the top and bottom, the play can not happen. It must be consensual and enjoyable by both parties.

Now there are other misconceptions that are prevalent and I can touch on them here using previous blogathon posts

1. If you use leather and rope its BDSM but if you use scarves it’s just wild sex
2. In BDSM women are submissive and men are dominant
3. BDSM has specific protocols that are internationally known and recognized
4. I’m a submissive, therefore I can brat and be the center of attention
5. I’m submissive. I’ll be expected to act a certain way
6. I’m Master/Mistress so and so, Everyone must respect me
7. Submissive men are weak.
8. Everyone plays heavy, there is no room for people who consider a feather heavy
9. This is what BDSM is, and if you aren’t doing it this way, you are wrong.
10. People who practice BDSM are mentally ill.
11. The ‘net’ and magazines only have beautiful people in expensive outfits. I’ll never fit in.
12. People into BDSM can’t have normal sex.
13. My kink is okay, yours isn’t.
14. All the Master / slave stuff is play acting.
15. There are few people who actually practice BDSM
16. BDSMers live on the fringes of society
17. “Leather” is only for Gay men who meet in bars.
18. This is too complicated, I’ll never get it.
19. People who practice BDSM are all promiscuous.
20. BDSM is a way to get away with abuse.
21. BDSM = Sex
22. All dominant women are men haters and all dominant men are women haters.
23. Once you start you will want more and engage in increasingly risky play.

Next post is a important one!

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