Life isn’t so perfect here in Master’s house. I’ve been down a lot lately. I’ve slacked on all of my rules and duties to Master. I’m having problems taking orders and not really doing anything for myself either. You can blame it on whatever you’d like; but it has to stop. Now I’ll be the first to admit that submission doesn’t come easy for me. And before those of you say that I’m not submissive so why am I trying; I’ve already had this discussion.

I’m not sleeping well. I remember every time I rolled over last night. I am not having any dreams and I can’t understand why when I hit the pillow I’m asleep but when I wake up I feel like I just laid down.  What I wouldn’t give for a good night’s sleep.

(Master just gave my a sleep aid, as I’m going to bed after this post, to see if it helps me in the short term… as in tonight.)

I’ve been down on myself. Really hating the way I look and how I take care of myself. I’ve been lazy in my make-up and doing my hair. I’ve just done the bare minimum.

As far as the submission is concerned I think my physical and mental well being is bothering Master more right now. He actually told me that he’s really worried about me. But I know I’ll get out of this funk, hopefully in time for vacation which starts on Saturday. I think being with Master for some real special Master and me time may help immensely.

I feel that I can’t tell him how much I need him, how much he means to me and how badly I ache to have him hold me and be with me all the time. I don’t want to be needy.

I’ll recover. I just need sleep.

–luna