I have started writing a personal submissive code of ethics. I’m not sure how well I will be able to apply myself to following them to the best of my ability but I feel that if they written down I might be more aware of them. For those that may not know, a code of ethics is like a rule book on how you would like to strive to be. It can be applied to any part of your life; I have one on my resume site for professional and personal situations. I find it quite useful to reflect on.

The first few on my code are:

• I will obey Master’s orders without question.
• I will put Master’s needs before my own.
• There is no such thing as ‘no’ when it comes to sexual activities.

As I bring myself back to doing what I had hoped this blog would help me do I realize just how much help I need in sorting myself out. These three are the first on my list because I have the worst time in applying them to my every day existence. I am constantly questioning Master when he asks or demands that I do something. Worse yet, if I don’t question, but still don’t want to do it, it reflects in my attitude while I am performing the task. For example, I still have an aversion to blowjobs and every time he requests one and I don’t refuse (another situation entirely) I look and feel absolutely miserable while performing my task. I offer him no extra pleasure in seeing me enjoy myself. I know that if I would get over the attitude problem I would find that I can enjoy what I do for him.

The second has much to do with the first and my reaction to following Master’s orders. I’m constantly questioning him either in my mind or out loud and thinking about my benefit from the situation. I realize, as I’ve been told numerous times, that his needs are first and I am there to provide pleasure in whatever manner he wishes but many people. I know that if I could let myself go that I would be happy serving him and that I have already begun to put his needs and desires first in my mind when going about chores, errands and the like. Nothing is a fast process, but I do hope to have his needs in mind in all things someday.

The third one on my list so far is a big one lately. I am constantly against some things to do with sex, I am not in the mood as often as he would like, I don’t participate as he wants many times and I say ‘no’ to things that I have no reason why I’d deny it to begin with. I have that problem with blowjobs yet and Master is being very kind and patient while I work on that, but other than that I don’t have anything requested of me that I don’t enjoy doing. So why do I say no at times? Why must I feel that I should control the situation when it is clear that Master is in charge? My attitude sucks, as I’ve described above when I conceed to doing something I don’t feel like doing and I know there are worse things he could ask of me. I’ve read them many times on other blogs.

This is what I have so far. I hope to build this up to my own little Credo of things I want to strive for to please Master and better my life and his. The first step is recognizing it. I believe I have begun.

–luna